In today’s blog post, I’m going to be a middle-class white guy talking about race. That’s usually a tactical error, and one people make too often IMHO, but I’m going to make it.
I’m not here to tell black families (or other minorities) what’s what. I am by no means qualified to do that. But I am here to talk to other white folks, because of a concept Marc MacYoung and others call and Educational Beat Down.
What is an Educational Beat Down?
An EBD refers specifically to when a group performs violence on an individual in order to “teach them a lesson”, but we can use it for conversation, correction, and advice.
The important thing to remember about an EBD is it only works when performed by and on members of the same group. If members of the Jets beat up a Shark, that Shark only learns that Jets are his enemy, and probably a bunch of jerks, even if the beating was well-earned and completely deserved.
But if Sharks beat up a fellow Shark because he was out of line, that Shark learns a lesson about how to behave properly in that context.
We have a problem with EBDs in today’s politics. Take the Sharks and the Jets of our social media confrontations: liberals and conservatives. If a liberal tries to correct a conservative, most of the time that conservative doubles-down on their opinion and takes the verbal beating as further proof that liberals are jerks. Liberals do the same thing.
Progress and correction only come when received from members of the same tribe. A liberal can serve up another liberal. A conservative and guide another conservative. A middle-class white guy can offer insights to other middle class white guys on matters of race, even though I have very little experience with race and ethnicity first hand.
That said, I have more than most white people. I’ve lived for a total of three years in countries where racism against white people wasn’t just common, but was the law. I spend two other years in a US neighborhood where white skin made me a target. I won’t begin to pretend this means I know what it’s like to involuntarily live as a racial minority in the United States, but it gives me some perspective I didn’t have before I lived those experiences.
Anyway, I’m here today to talk a bit about how we can be better allies to our minority friends.
What Does This Have To Do With Family Safety?
Families can’t be safe until all families are safe.
As a straight, white, cisgendered, middle-class male in North America, I have more power than 90% of the world to make changes happen, or at least guide some aspects of coming change. That means I have a responsibility to help less fortunate families feel and be safer.
If you’re a twin or close match to me demographically, so do you.
I’m an Ally. What Does That Mean?
The dictionary definition of an ally is
one associated with another as a helper, a person or group that provides assistance and support in an ongoing effort.
Politically right now, that applies specifically to minorities. Folks like me can help people who have fewer disadvantages. I am an ally, and I believe most other people in my situation should be, too. The trick is how to do it, which the next part of this rambling screed will be about. Before I get there, though, I want to mention two things I’m not.
I’m not “woke” or a “social justice warrior”
Being woke means being aware of the social injustices in our world. Being a social justice warrior means being motivated to do something about it. That’s fine and dandy, and people should be both of those things.
Trouble is, I have yet to meet somebody using the word “woke” to describe themselves who wasn’t using it as a bludgeon. They don’t seem to mean “I’m doing something good.” They mean “this other jerk is doing something bad” or worse “I’m better than that other person.”
SJWs are much the same. Hell, the word “warrior” is much the same. I’m from warrior culture. It’s what first attracted me to the martial arts. But much of the time, people who use the word “warrior” in their self-description take themselves way, way too seriously. I know I did, and sometimes still do.
The other thing I see too much from SJWs and the terminally woke is that they’re espousing a good viewpoint, but for purposes of making themselves look and feel better. It’s about ego and power, not about helping others. Not really. Most wouldn’t mind if it also helped people out, but their primary motivation (whether they admit it or not) is to bolster their own ego. Not much good comes from anything that starts from that position.
Although I’m spending this blog post telling people what to do, I’m not better than anybody. I’m worse than most. I’m fortune enough to have access to a lot of information from a lot of people who are smarter and better than me, and that’s it.
There are important exceptions to this observation, but it’s common enough I don’t want to associate myself with the label.
Conservatives might want to make similar decisions about some of the vocal politicians and talking heads you follow.
All right. So What’s the Point of All This?
I told you all of that, to tell you this. After listening to, talking with, and reading the works of a lot of folks who know more about this than I do, here’s five ways I’ve learned for folks like me to be better allies in the world.
1.Get Resilient
Part of helping with injustice and inequality in the US is fully acknowledging our role in it. It means abandoning assumptions and beliefs about the even-ness of the American playing field, and taking on responsibilities we didn’t previously shoulder.
That’s gonna hurt. It’s okay. Growth almost always hurts, and it’s always scary.
One truth about being whitecetera (my new term for having one most of the points in the birth lottery) is we can soak up damage and inconvenience others can’t. It’s on us to toughen up, remain courageous and resilient, and look problems in the eye.
2.Shut Up
We need to listen more when people who aren’t whitecetera speak up.
Because we’re the student president jocks of life’s high school, we’re accustomed to having priority when people listen. Whether or not you realize it. Whether or not that’s true in the specifics of your social group. Whether or not you like it, research has shown this to be true time and time again.
When members of a minority are telling us how it is, or simply talking about how things are, it’s our job to close our lips and listen hard. This means we learn more about some stuff that’s important, and it encourages other people who see us to do the same.
Besides, being still and quiet is relaxing (even healing) when you get used to it. We should do this way more often.
3. Amplify
Sometimes we shouldn’t shut up, because there’s stuff that needs saying.
Many of those times, the best thing we can do is share widely something a person who isn’t whitecetera has to say. It’s kind of like reverse aikido.
In aikido, students learn to defend against attacks by blending with the motion. They add their own power and momentum to the attack, then send it flying in the direction they choose. When we amplify a point of view, we do the same thing…only instead of redirecting an attack we boost something that’s important to us as well.
When we amplify the words of somebody else, that tacit support encourage listening from people who wouldn’t otherwise be inclined to listen. Speaking of that…
4. Conduct EBDs
Remember Educational Beat Downs from earlier? Remember how the most important thing about them is they’re only received by people on the same “team”?
That means when a whitecetera person says something racist (or whatever), they’ll hear not to do that from other whitecetera people…not from members of a minority.
It’s on us to speak up, to get downright uncomfortable and confrontational at times. If we can do it without being woke SJWs, it might not even spoil Thanksgiving dinner.
5. Use Your Weight
The other thing whitecetera people have (generally speaking) is a wider margin for error. We can film police without fearing for our lives. We can get a callback from the local paper or a representative more quickly and easily. We’re more likely to end up in leadership at the PTA or HOA.
Our freedom of movement in this society, though partially earned, happened also because of centuries of social injustice. I figure it’s on us to use it well.
When an opportunity to push for change comes up, we should take it. We’re the least qualified to spot those opportunities, but the most empowered to do something about them.
Okay, Let’s Have a Conversation
Did you feel any of this? Did it make you happy? Piss you off? Rile you up? Help you feel seen?
Whatever it is, find me over on Facebook and let’s have a conversation about it. Civil conversation with the intent of understanding one another is one of the most important responsibilities of people who live in a democracy. It’s how we make informed decisions.
So track me down. Call me out. Tell me I’m full of crap, and bring your a-game. I’m looking forward to it.
