For Episode 2, I was lucky enough to speak with Karen Letofsky. She’s arguably Canada’s top expert on suicide prevention, and on helping those with a loved one who died by suicide. She came on the show to talk about what we, as parents, can do to prevent this tragedy.
I learned something important right off the bat. Most of us (many of us? I certainly didn’t know better) say somebody “committed suicide.” Folks in the industry use “died by suicide” since we use the term “committed” to refer to somebody who did something criminal and terrible. Although suicide is certainly criminal, it’s usually the result of mental illness or overwhelming trauma. Neither of those things deserve to be in the same bucket as murder or arson. So we say “died by suicide” and now I know that.
The second thing I learned is that experts now think children die by suicide as young as early elementary school. What had been identified as accidental deaths previously are now receiving deeper examination. That’s scary. In elementary school, kids have the physical capacity for self-harm but no real idea about the permanence of mortality. When you combine that with the impact of cyberbullying, that’s a recipe for disaster we need to watch out for.
Speaking of watching out, here’s the best advice Karen gave us.
Watch for the Language of Depression
One of the more certain signs in this very uncertain field is what’s called the language of depression. Certain terms and feelings can indicate a child is not just sad, but clinically depressed and at greater risk for suicide.
Some examples of language depression include “it’s hopeless”, “why bother?”, “what’s the point?”, “I’m not worth it.” Watch for expressions of feeling helpless, overwhelmed, or powerless in the face of feelings or challenges…and of course for silence in situations where your child may feel that way.
Be Alert for Change
Very few behavior profiles are themselves a warning that your child might be considering suicide. Dressing in all black and listening to death metal could be your teen’s normal way of interacting with the world, while a child conforming to more normalized standards could be at high risk.
Watch instead for changes in behavior. Be especially alert if those changes mean things that used to bring your child joy have stopped doing so. When things no longer make your child happy is when they are potentially in the most danger.
Call the Professionals
If your house is on fire, you don’t grab your children and go try putting it out. You grab your kids and together, as a team, leave the house and wait for the fire department to come do what they do professionally.
The same is true with mental health. You’re not a professional therapist (and if you are, you’re too close to the situation). If you feel your child is in true danger, don’t try being a therapist for them. Make an appointment with a professional, and get their help.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Your best proactive defense against child suicide is to maintain a house where they fell they can talk with you about anything, get support when they need it, and ask questions that receive truthful, nonjudgmental answers.
The better you can do that, the safer your home is…not just from suicide, but a wide spectrum of other potential threats.
Bottom line: create a home where your children can come to you with any problem, confident you will work together to find the solution.