5 Tips for Planning a Safe Vacation

In this interview right here, I talk with Chris Story about advances.

Advance is a trade term used by bodyguards and other protectors. It means the work done before a client arrives someplace, to make sure that place is safe. When you have a big budget (think a country’s president or a billionaire), you send a team some days ahead to check everything out.

Most parents don’t have that kind of budget. But we can use the concept, and some of their best tools, to prepare for our trips and make them both safer and easier.

5 Tools to Help You Plan for a Safe Vacation

1.Smarttraveller.gov.au

This is the Australian government’s public information site about how safe it is to travel to different countries across the globe. Each country listing includes detailed information about safety, health care, travel advisory, and any important major differences in the local laws.

The US State Department also maintains a similar site. I like Australia’s better because, over the 20 years I’ve been using both, Australia’s seems less influenced by the politics of whoever’s in charge at the time. (Or I just don’t see the influence because I’m less familiar with Australian politics).

Use this site when you’re choosing destinations, and again once you’ve made your choices. It gives a strong overview of the safety realities you will meet when you get there.

2. Google Maps

You already know what this is, and what it does. You might not know how useful it is for safe travel planning.

Once you know where you’re going, you can use this to locate the various places you’ll go: the hotel, museums, tourist attractions, etc. After you use the maps app, switch over to Google Earth. Use both the satellite and street views to get a good sense of what the destination and route look like. You will be surprised how useful those details become, even if it’s just so you know exactly what your destination looks like.

Although this is the best app available to civilians for this kind of planning, it won’t necessarily be useful to you once you’re in-country. Breakups in signal and phone functionality will sometimes kill this app. For real-time information on site, you’ll use Waze (see below).

3. Safe Esteem

The only for-pay app on this list, Safe Explore is an incredibly powerful suite of tools that give you a personalized travel risk report with suggestions. It’s used by professional protectors several thousand times per day.

When you put in your information, it gives you a weighted report that compares property crime, violence, accidents, environmental issues, and health concerns as compared to your home, and other potential destinations. It also offers personal profiles for travelers with specific concerns like women traveling alone, LGBTQ+ travelers, and people with medical conditions.

The app has versions for small business, enterprise, and individuals, so although it does cost some money it’s not prohibitive.

4. Waze

You already have at least one map and route app on your phone, but you should use Waze for two reasons.

First, it’s the most popular app of its kind once you get out of North America. That means it will reliably work most place you’ll want to travel.

Second, it aggressively crowdsources real-time reports of things like accidents, police checkpoints, and bad road conditions.

All put together, this is the winner for your navigation while you’re in-country. Whether you’re driving yourself, or checking the cab driver’s work, it is reliable and accurate in a way that most other apps are not.

5. 911 By Country

This will be the quickest item on your checklist, but potentially the most important if anything goes wrong.

911 is the emergency services phone number for only about 20% of countries in the world. In the UK it’s 999. Vietnam uses 113. Russia, 102.

Jump on this website. Find the number(s) for your destination(s), and put it on the back of your phone with a labelmaker, sticker, or marker.

One Last Thing…

It’s also smart to do a google search for “(Place You’ll Visit) Expat Forums”.

Expat stands for “expatriate”, which means somebody who has left their own country to live someplace else…usually somebody from an English-speaking nation. These forums are populated by people who live where you want to go, and who know the details like any other local plus the particular hazards of being foreigner in that region.

If you haven’t yet, take the time to watch Chris’s video here. He shares many other important tips for safe family travel. The conversation changed how I plan for travel with my family, and will definitely improve how you do it, too!

Today I Learned About Child Sex Trafficking

Child trafficking. Sex trafficking. Human trafficking. These are boogeymen for parents much the way Stranger Danger was for us when we were growing up. Worried and curious about it, I interviewed Shelly Repp of the New Mexico Dream Center, an organization that helps rescue trafficked children.

If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it here. If you don’t have the time, below are the ten most important things I learned from that conversation.

1.Most US Trafficking Stays in the US

This isn’t true in the rest of the world, but people lured or taken for sex trafficking in the United States are rarely taken to other countries. This is where the money is. Trafficked people are brought here. There’s plenty of space to separate them from their resources, within the country, and the bad guys don’t have to navigate a national border.

2.Few Trafficked Teens and Young Adults are Taken

Although the idea of a kidnap victim forced into trafficking grabs headlines and the imagination, it’s very rare in the United States. A kidnap victim is rarely cooperative, which means they require more security and represent a greater risk. Instead, the victim is usually lured or coerced into the arrangement by a predatory person to seduces them into the relationship. Many trafficked children and teens don’t realize they’re being trafficked.

3. Sex Isn’t the Only Kind of Trafficking

Teens and adults are also trafficked to work in construction, food service, farm labor, as domestic servants, and in similar jobs for free or far below pay. Trafficking is about making a profit by whatever means are possible, and sex is only one way.

4.Most Runaways Are Approached by a Trafficker Within 48 Hours

There’s not much else to say about this. If your teen runs away, the chances are they will be lured by a trafficker almost immediately. The trafficker will offer food, drugs, comfort, and a place to stay. It’s after that initial attraction that the abuse and slavery begins.

5. Many Trafficked Teens are Lured In Online

Sometimes, the runaway is approached before the 48 hours even begins. Online predators know how to spot kids who are unhappy at home, who feel ostracized and hopeless. They form a relationship online, and turn that into a real life meeting. After that, it’s usually not hard for them to gain mental and physical control of a troubled teen.

6. The Overwhelming Majority of Trafficked Children Were Abused at Home

I don’t have the words to adequately describe how sad and angry this makes me. On the bright side, it gives us a strong way to keep our kids from being trafficked. Uh…don’t abuse them. And if you are abusing your children, get the help you need right now to stop.

7. Trafficked Teens Have Limited Recourse

The law has not caught up with the reality of being a trafficked teen or young adult, meaning that a victim of sex trafficking can be easily fooled into thinking they’ll go to jail for what they’re forced to do. In some unenlightened areas, this is even true. It makes it hard for these already trapped people to even consider getting out.

8. Your Best Defense Against Trafficking is Open, Honest Communication

Because the overwhelming majority of trafficked teens and children are runaways, we can protect them by maintaining an environment at home where they feel loved, welcome, and safe to share their concerns with us. Those lines of communication are how we can spot potentially dangerous relationships, or mental health issues, that could leave them vulnerable to predators who might try to lure them away.

9.Pornography is Strongly Linked With Sex Trafficking

Much of the pornography produced across the world uses models who are the victims of sex trafficking. I’m not here to talk about the morality of porn as a general concept, but this is a sad fact of that industry in the current century. Do with that information what you will.

10. If You Suspect Trafficking, Call the Police

A well-meaning person who suspects trafficking sometimes thinks to call a teen or women’s shelter. Shelley tells us the right move is to call the police. Cops can be there in minutes, whereas the shelter has to start a bureaucratic process. When somebody is being trafficked, faster help is better help

Build the Perfect Car Emergency Kit

AAA has spent decades helping families stay safe on the roads. We’re most familiar with their roadside assistance service, but they do a lot about education, too. They let Marie Dodds talk to me about what to include in a car emergency kit, and here’s what she said:

Jumper Cables

A medium-gauge pair, which you know how to use.

Inflated, Functional Spare Tire

If you can afford it and it will fit, get a real tire, not just the donut. Practice changing tires on your car before you need to use the skill.

Tire Change Kit

Your jack and lug wrench. Again, practice this before you need it.

Snow Chains

Or those new-fangled snow boots for cars…either way, once again, practice before you try it “in the wild”.

Tarp

Get one waterproof and thick enough it does you some good when you’re laying down in the snow.

Work Gloves

At least one pair, thick enough to protect but not so thick you can’t work in them.

1-Gallon Bag of Sand, Pebbles, or Cat Litter

Spreading this over mud or snow can give your car the traction it needs sometimes.

Folding Shovel or Entrenching Tool

Sometimes, you need to dig a stuck car out. This means you don’t have to do it with your hands.

Car Tool Kit

Select tools appropriate for both your vehicle and your personal skillset. An experienced mechanic in a 1997 Ford pickup will need a different kit than somebody in a brand-new BMW who doesn’t change their own oil.

Shop Rags

A bag of a dozen costs less than ten bucks, stores easily, and will come in handy more often than you’re imagining.

Duct Tape

One good-sized roll. Like the shop rags, you’ll be amazed how often you use it.

Ice Scraper

Every car should have an ice scraper. What caliber of ice scraper will depend on where you live, and what winters are like.

Car Escape Tool

These little hammers come with a seatbelt cutter and a glass breaker, to help you get out if things go really, really wrong. Be advised: some modern tempered glass resists these tools. Find out if that’s true of your car now. You don’t want to learn that in the moment.

Car Fire Extinguisher

Something to keep in mind about this: if your car is on fire, leave your car. This is for grabbing on your way out, and most of the time for putting out a fire that’s outside your car.

Road Flares or Signal Triangle

It’s depressing how many people get hit by cars when on the side of the road with car trouble. Flares or a signal triangle help you avoid that problem.

Flashlights

At least one. I have three in my car. You really can’t have too many.

Glowsticks

There are excellent emergency lighting, and they can entertain kids if you’re stuck for a while. Get the kind with a necklace and put them around every kid’s neck to make them super-visible while you’re dealing with your car problem.

Hand-Crank Emergency Radio/Charger/Flashlight

These will run you $30 and are worth every penny.

Spare Batteries for All Devices

The last thing you want is to find out none of your gear works because they’re out of juice.

First Aid Kit

For booboos and major injuries. Stay tuned for a post about how to build one yourself for well under $50.

Mylar Emergency Blankets

Have one for every seat in your car, plus one spare. These have so many uses I’m going to do a whole blog post on it. You need them in your car.

Spare Comfortable Shoes

Like I say in this video…create a new rule. When you get your next pair of walking shoes or hiking boots, your old ones go in the car. That way you always have broken-in, comfortable shoes to change into if the car won’t work and you have to walk.

Weather-Appropriate Gear

If you live in a hot climate, have a hat and a flowing overshirt for each person likely to be in the car. If you live in a cold climate, have a jacket and gloves. All climates call for a simple poncho.

Emergency Food

Non-perishable rations enough for two days, times the number of seats in your car.

Water

One to two gallons, times the number of seats in your car.

Comfort Items

An extended car emergency means a combination of fear and boredom. Having a few coloring books, games, and similar activities on hand can help calm everybody down and pass the time.

Watch the Video

For more details on each of the items above, and some other expert insights from Marie, check out the full interview here:

Stop Bullies by Putting the FIST into Pacifist

I saw that on a t-shirt once upon a time and it makes me laugh every time I think about it, because it’s objectively funny how many of us find ourselves on a path toward inner peace, and peace with our neighbors, via the study of violence.

But that’s not what I’m on about today. Today, I want to introduce you to a system I developed with advice from Dave Kovar, one of the most impressive martial artists operating today, and one of the most outspoken and systematic about how training develops a whole person, not just a fighter. He came on the show to talk about bullying and how we can teach kids how to stop it.

But First, a Word From Two Other Experts

Rory Miller and Spencer Coursen are two other guests of the show. One I’m privileged to consider a friend, and the other a respected colleague. Both have spent their lives studying violence and protection, and both have important points about bullying and schools.

Rory tells us, in his book Conflict Communication, that a zero tolerance policy about school fighting is like teaching abstinence-only education. It naively ignores the realities of teen life, and misses an opportunity to teach important decision-making skills.

Spencer’s book The Safety Trap discusses how a school administration’s policies are driven by liability, not survivability. By this he means that, at the policy level, your school board cares more about whether or not the district gets sued than they do about the safety of any individual student. The teachers, principals, and administrators of course also care about your kid, but the policies are not in place to ensure their personal safety.

Put those two things together, and the idea that kids should never, ever fight back against a bully go right out the window.

The five finger fist concept keeps that in mind, but doesn’t start there. It’s one of the best ways to teach the progression of other options before going hands-on, and is simple enough for even early elementary kids to grasp.

The Five-Finger Fist Response to Bullies

Okay. Picture this. You start with your hand open and out, in a “STOP!” gesture. Then you count out five steps of escalating response to being bullied. The first four are on your fingers, pinky to index, closing each finger as you go. When the fifth count closes your thumb, that hand is in a fist and ready to defend you.

Make sense? Good. Here are the five steps, the five fingers, as explained to me by Dave and interpreted through my own personal lens.

Step One: Listen With Empathy

Bullies want something, just like all of us do. It can be amazingly powerful to listen carefully, with empathy, to find out what they really want. Much of the time, what they want is to be heard, valued, listened to, and safe. They show off with bullying behavior because they think it’s the only way to get that positive attention (and because negative attention from school staff is still attention). Powering through the abusive first salvo and starting a real dialogue can be hard for kids and teens, but is surprisingly effective…especially if the kid or teen in question backs their question with confidence, so they look like a harder target than at first glance.

Step Two: Look for the Exit

If the situation doesn’t immediately start to get better, escape is always the best option. Start looking for the way out, and shift position so you can get there. Running right away might lead the bully to chase you, so sidle or shuffle in a circular motion to get yourself between the bully and the exit. Then go. Just…go. There’s no reason to stick around, and lots of reasons to be gone.

Step Three: Ask For Help

Sometimes you can’t leave. This might be when you’re stuck in a place with no easy exit, or you might be in an environment you’re not allowed to leave. School and school buses are two such places. In that situation, ask for help. That help might come from a responsible adult. It might come from nearby kids. It might come from moving into a more public area, so the bully has more witnesses than they’re comfortable with. You can ask for help explicitly, or simply reposition things so the help is seeing you and being seen by the bully. Also keep in mind that asking for help makes it easier to explain further steps to school authorities. You asked for help, and when help didn’t come…you had to help yourself.

Step Four: Hands Up

To review: up to this point, you’ve tried to negotiate, tried to leave, and asked for help. All three of those steps failed and the bully is still on you. It’s not time to respond with force yet, but it’s appropriate to make it clear that’s a possibility. Assume your best fighting stance, put both hands up, palms forward in a protective position, and shout something like “Back Off!” or “Leave Me Alone!”. The name of somebody nearby can also work, drawing the attention of a teacher or a friend. By doing this, you present yourself as ready to fight if you have to, while also calling for help one more time. Maintain this position, with your eyes on the bully, as you move toward whatever exit you can manage.

Step Five: Hands On

After Step Four, the bully has two options: let you go, or put their hands on you. If they let you go, it’s over and congratulations. If they put your hands on you, it’s time for a physical response. Use the most appropriate techniques from whatever self-defense methods you’ve learned, remembering that this is a bullying situation and not a life-or-death attack. While defending yourself, shout “Leave Me Alone” as loud as you can. Teachers who hear this when they see the fight may interpret the situation more accurately than if you’re saying other things, or not saying anything at all.

If you reach Step Five, only attack as much as you must to escape. Never hurt somebody more than is absolutely necessary.

Practice Make Permanent

That’s the entire system, and it works…but only if you talk about it and practice it ahead of time. Run your kid through this progression in role-playing scenarios at home, or have their martial arts instructor do it in class. Like any other skill you apply under stress, they need to master it under a controlled circumstance if you want them to use it “in the wild.”

For more drills, skills, and activities you can do with your kids about bullying, watch my whole conversation with Dave. He’s the real deal, and knows what he’s talking about.

Meet Andy Murphy, the Secure Dad

They say the two best ways to succeed are to find a mentor, and to be a mentor. Of course, the second one usually comes only after you’ve succeeded a little already. One man doing both of those things is Andy Murphy, a/k/a The Secure Dad.

Andy is doing what I do, with a slightly narrower focus than Safest Family on the Block but going much, much deeper into the areas of his concern. His stuff, and there’s a lot of it, is some of the highest quality information about the security side of family safety. That’s why I was so thrilled when he agreed to come on the show. And I’m deeply honored by and thankful of the advice, mentorship, and support he’s given the show since he and I met.

Today, I want to familiarize you with all the stuff Andy has to offer. He’s not paying me to do this, and it’s not part of some kind of sponsorship or affiliate thing. I’m telling you about him and his offerings because he’s a good guy doing good things in the world.

Just the Facts

Andy brands himself as The Secure Dad, and that sums up perfectly what he does and why. Andy’s general topic is family safety, just like me, but he leans more deeply into the security aspects: cameras for the home, situational awareness, crime prevention, a home invasion plan, etc. He interviews top-level police, military, and private security professionals and has taken hundreds of hours of classes on the tactics, trends, and technologies of keeping the family secure.

Don’t get me wrong. He does touch on the other stuff, too — for example this great disaster preparedness guide he’s made available for free — but his real love is the tactical element of family safety. He believes strongly that final responsibility for our safety (and our family’s) lies on us, the parents, and challenges us all to fulfill that responsibility.

The Website

You can find Andy at his website TheSecureDad.com. It’s a central location for all the things I describe below, and includes a very detailed and helpful blog. If you want to know more about Andy, check out the “Mission” page’s About section, which says…

The world is a beautiful place for your family. But sometimes it can be a scary out there. Your family deserves to be happy and safe. That’s why The Secure Dad focuses on family protection, home security and the enjoyment of parenting.

It’s a good attitude to have about keeping family safe. I respect and admire it.

The Challenge

Andy has a lot of great content and knowledge on his site, but the place to start is with his 5-Day Challenge. It’s exactly what it sounds like, a five-day course where you spend an hour or so each day to make your home substantively safer by the end of that work week.

It’s free (well, you give him your contact information, but it’s well worth that price), and one of the best free intro courses available in this industry.

The Book(s)

Andy wrote a book: Home Security: The Secure Dad's Guide: Easy Home Defense Techniques to Keep Your Family Safe. It’s a short guide to…well…um…home security, home defense techniques, and keeping your family safe. I review it on the show here.

Besides that main book, he has also produced a number of shorter, topic-specific guides you can download from the site. Andy’s a good writer, and knows his stuff at a level few people his age even have the time to develop.

The Podcast

The Secure Dad podcast comes in two flavors. About half of them are deep dives, where Andy distills what he’s learned recently into easy to apply advice for parent protectors. The other half consist of long-form interviews with safety experts of all stripes. They typically last 10 to 30 minutes.

Some of my favorite recent episodes include:

• Family Fire Safety with Jason Patton

• What to Do After a Car Wreck

• His conversation with Clint Freakin’ Emerson

I can confidently say that Andy has the second best family safety podcast operating today…but he can probably say the same thing about me. :-)

The COURSE

Andy’s course Unlocked is his first of what will likely be many family safety courses he’s starting to put out into the world. This is a 101-level introduction to everything from situational awareness, to crime prevention, to setting up a secure home network. He does that limited access thing, so you’ll need to check on his website for whether or not it’s open again yet.

THE NEWSLETTER

The Secure Dad Field Notes is Andy’s newsletter, where he tells subscribers what he’s been learning and thinking about on a weekly basis. You know what newsletters are, and you know how easy it is to just let them slide into your spam because you’ve got several dozen coming in every week, and who has time for that?

I’m subscribed to probably 50 newsletters of one kind or another. Andy’s is one of four I read absolutely without fail.

Andy and Jason, Sittin’ in a Tree…

You’ve probably figured out by now that I sort of like this guy. Andy’s good stuff, and we work and play well together. You can see it for yourself in out two-part episode where we talk about the things we’ve each learned in our journeys as experts in the family safety field:

What's Your Emergency?

Jason Hoschauer and Justin Schorr are a police officer and a Paramedic, two good friends of mine and of the show. Together, they run the What’s Your Emergency podcast, where they mostly talk about professional aspects of being a member of EMS.

From time to time, though, they also deal with safety issues more accessible to the general public. I don’t think it’s possible to overstate how valuable the opinions of two people with their credentials are when it comes to keeping our families safe. Here’s a list of the episodes every parent should listen to:

• The Internet of Things with Greg Kaminski - has some valuable insights about cybersecurity, and holes in yours you didn’t know existed.

• Our DUI Experience - as if you needed more reasons to not drink or drug when you drive. See also texting.

• The Three Disciplines at the Movies - where the guys spend time dispelling certain myths about EMS that TV and the movies keep.

• The Social Dilemma - with insights and tips about social media, what it does to our brains, and how to keep our families on point in that environment.

• Board Game Mashup - a delightfully nerdy discussion of one of the best things we can do with our kids.

• Kids These Days - discussing the behavior, safety, and challenges of modern children from the perspective of police and rescue.

• What About Dogs? - the best things to do about our beloved pets when things go sideways.

You should also consider the episode where they had me on to talk about the show and other related things. I also had each of them on the show, so if you haven’t yet you should listen to both of those:

The Dirtiest Social Media Safety Trick to Use With Your Teenage Girls

This simple parenting hack comes to us from Cat Coode of Binary Tattoo, one of the smartest people working in internet safety and data privacy today. It was just one of the many things I learned in our interview during Season Two.

I do not have daughters, but Cat does, and as far as I can tell this checks out. Cat reports it has worked for many people she’s given the advice to.

The Problem

Many teen girls like to post photos of themselves either wearing revealing outfits, or emphasizing parts of their bodies commonly associated with pin-up posters. Although it’s disconcerting to a lot of parents (especially dads), it’s a natural part of the modern teen experience. Teens are discovering sex and sexuality, and some of them want to show some of that off…especially if they have a particular potential viewer in mind.

This is natural and normal, and the last thing we want to do is oversexualize or slut shame the teenage girls we’re responsible for. On the other hand, the internet is very public and the internet is forever. The people she has in mind might not be the only ones viewing it, and some of those people could become fixated or target her as a victim.

Put another way: a sixteen year old posting a bikini photo on her Instagram isn’t bad or wrong, but it can be risky. So what do we do about that?

The Solution

So, we all have that one friend. The friend is male. He’s middle-aged. He’s a little overweight. He’s not actually a creep (if he was he wouldn’t be our friend), but he sometimes comes off as a little creepy.

The next time that friend comes over to visit, have him mention in passing about the photo you’re concerned about. Not in a “hey, your parents told me about this and here’s my advice” way. Oh, no….have him mention it in a “I saw your red bikini photo on your Instagram. It’s really nice” way.

According to Cat, this never fails to at the very least get daughters to tighten up their privacy controls. Some of them stop posting the revealing photos entirely.

It’s not the nicest thing you’ll ever have done, but I’m told it’s very effective.

The Better Solution

Of course, that’s what to do if your daughter is posting in an unsafe way. The better solution comes in two parts:

Part one, have her already informed and intelligent about the internet, its risks, and the specifics of privacy controls and curating her online contacts list. If she’s on top of this, a few racy photos won’t be a problem because they’re not going out where bad guys can see them.

Part two, have an open, honest, and mutually respectful dialogue about sex from an early age. With that in place, your daughter’s behavior around revealing photos, dating, sex, and potential online predators will be, as the kids say, “on point.”

Both of those solutions happen through a long history of communication, listening, and teaching over the course of your daughter’s childhood. It’s worth the effort, starting today. But if it’s not in place yet, the above plan works really well.

If you haven’t already, check out my full interview with Cat. This was just one of several amazing insights she brought to the table.

Don't Be a Victim of Crime!

DON’t BE A VICTIM OF A CRIME

Notes from my conversation with Linda Sandersen

I first met Linda Sandersen because I was on staff at the San Francisco Writers Conference. She won some coaching from me about her book, a biography of somebody she met in her career as an investigator for a public defender’s office.

The thing about people who work for a public defender for a long time is, they get to know how criminals operate. Even though they occasionally defend somebody technically innocent — and even though recent news has exposed how that happens far too often — she also dealt with a lot of people who break the law professionally. I mean a lot.

She was kind enough to sit down with me and talk about ways we can avoid becoming their targets. That happened in three stages, which I’ll go into here for a while.

Make Yourself a Less Attractive Target

Criminals only make victims when a person has something they want. If you don’t look like you have something worth taking, you’re less likely to be targeted. One place this shows up is in what Linda called Type 1, Type 2, and Type 3 neighborhoods.

Type 1 neighborhoods are most of your suburbs and upper-middle-class areas. People there tend not to be criminals (or only white collar criminals). The police are on the same side as the residents. People and things tend to be safe.

Type 3 neighborhoods are dangerous and crime-ridden. Many residents are involved in crime, some professionally. Often the police are viewed as enemies of the residents. Gangs are common.

Type 2 neighborhoods are in between. Most of the residents are law-abiding and on the same side as the cops, but they’re close enough to Type 3 neighborhoods that crime frequently spills over.

If you live in a Type 1 neighborhood and go into a Type 2 neighborhood (for example, most downtowns and theater districts) with a nice car, fancy clothes, and expensive jewelry, you make yourself an attractive target.

Similarly, because bad guys often take field trips into Type 1 neighborhoods (that’s where all the good stuff to steal is), having a home that suggests wealth will attract their attention. So will having open bay windows without blinds, where they can see your big-screen TV and the silver picture frames on the wall.

Yes, some criminals want your body, or your compliance, which is hard to just not make visible, but this advice will keep you safer by making fewer people want what’s yours. For that other kind of criminal, we need to look at the second point.

Make Yourself a Less Attractive Victim

This isn’t the same thing as being a less attractive target. A target is something a criminal might want. A victim is somebody a criminal can take something from. If you look alert, aware, assertive, and willing to fight for your family, criminals are more likely to go bother somebody else.

Remember: criminals don’t want to take risks or do work. If they wanted that, they’d have…you know…jobs. Instead, they want it to be easy and fast, to not get caught, and to not get hurt.

Some time ago, Grayson and Stein showed videos of pedestrians in New York City to a variety of criminals and asked them to point out who they would try to victimize. Even though they were different sizes and races, with different backgrounds and crimes, they chose the same people reliably. They also pointed out to people who they would not mess with, again choosing the same people.

Based on that study, a less attractive victim:

• Has their head and eyes up

• Is not buried in a book or a phone

• Walks with brisk, wide strides

• Has arms swinging naturally

• Stands up straight

In other words, people who look alert and confident are less attractive victims than others. Criminals will steer clear of you and your family.

Don’t Buy Trouble

If those two points above don’t work and you find yourself accosted by a criminal, you have to decide immediately if you think they want your stuff, or they want you (or your kids).

If they want your stuff, Linda recommends giving them your stuff. Don’t say anything. Don’t stall or argue, or vent your anger. Get it over with as quickly as possible and live to love your family another day. Anything you say or do that might set off the criminal (who might well be under the influence of drugs, alcohol, teenage testosterone, or all three), could mean you get hurt when otherwise you wouldn’t. Give them your stuff quickly, cooperate, and be done with it.

If they want you, fight immediately with everything you have. Scream, bite, kick, gouge, use weapons. Go completely medieval on the bad guy until the threat is over. Try to escape if you can. Turn the bad guy into inert biological matter if you can’t. NEVER, never go with the bad guy to a more secluded location, let them tie you up or handcuff you, or do either of those things to your kids.

Those two responses are how you keep things from getting worse.

If You Get a Chance…

…check out the whole interview. Linda said a lot more smart stuff, and you should hear what she has to say.