Back in the 90s
There was this ad that tickled my fancy.
I couldn’t find on the interwebs, but the general gist was as follows:
(Small kid’s face, kid speaking) What would you do to keep your kids safe?
(Montage matching the same kid’s voice)
Would you wrestle a tiger?
Would you run a thousand miles?
Would you run through fire?
(Dramatic pause)
Would you drive a minivan?
The idea was that minivans, though not the world’s sexiest car, are safer than other driving options and that parents who want to be heroes should do so by driving them.
Today we’re going to have a similar conversation. Most parents I’ve worked with about safety want to talk to me about beating people up, stabbing them, shooting them, and physically preventing bad guys from doing any of those three things to them or their kids.
There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve spent 39 1/2 years as of this writing learning those things. They’re useful, and it’s fun, and even if they weren’t you get a lot out of long-term, focused devotion at improvement on any set of skills.
Thing is, the statistics are clear. If you want to become a ninja superhero warrior, that’s great — but none of it is likely to help keep your family safe. An incomplete list of skills that are better suited for that goal include:
Fire safety, including how to use a fire extinguisher
First aid, including trauma care
Basic electrical and plumbing skills
Defensive driving
Communication, including child and family psychology
Conflict de-escalation
Spotting signs of suicide, depression, and anxiety
Wilderness/outdoor survival
Active listening
How to speak with 911 operators and first responders
Basic civilian law, including self-defense law
Home security basics
Internet safety
It’s possible to be sexy and a parent. (Not that I know how…)
Like I said, this is a very incomplete list, and each item on it is more important than physical self-defense. But none of them are as not sexy as the thing you can do today that will dramatically improve your family’s safety.
I mean it. This one is not going to get your spouse to give you that look, and you won’t walk away feeling like a studmuffin. But you should do it, because it’s really important.
Ready?
Here you go…
Wait, What? Why the Product Recalls Page?
Here’s the thing. Faulty, poorly tested, and irresponsibly made products hurt millions of children annually, and kill thousands. That new awesome stroller you bought that’s got so many bells and whistles it’s probably a Transformer? It might have folding mechanisms that cut off fingers? That awesome magnetics science kit? Could cause a problem that requires abdominal surgery. There’s a long list, and the CPSC has made it searchable.
Once upon a time, we had a system. The CPSC logged complaints until they deemed a recall was necessary. They sent a notice to all the newspapers in the country. Those newspapers had somebody on staff who’s job it was to read the notices and write them up. The word got down to everybody.
Well, everybody who reads the papers, but a system was in place and it worked pretty well.
These days, nobody reads the daily papers, and the daily papers don’t have the budget to keep a “recalls guy” on staff. So that system has broken down.
Until a new one comes online (don’t hold your breath), what you need to do is go to the recalls page and type in brand names of new stuff you’re considering. Not all of the items that get a hit need you to get rid of them. Some have a flaw you can work around, or the hazard only applies to younger (and rarely, older) kids.
Keep Your Family Safe This Way
I told you this wasn’t sexy. But it’s necessary. Go to the page on a regular basis, say once a quarter, and run through any products you’re considering, or that came into your home as gifts.
It’s boring. It’s tedious. But would you do boring, tedious things to save your kids?
Damn right you would.